What If Grief Isn’t What You Think It Is?
Hello! Hi! It’s me again- your fellow grief companion and storyteller😊
It’s been a long time since I’ve found my way to the blogging space, but I’m feeling called to return and share my heart, wisdom, and experiences with you all❤️
I’m not entirely sure what this journey will look like, but today’s inspiration stems from all things GRIEF & LOSS. What does that actually mean? Over my years as a Grief & Loss Practitioner, I’ve come to realize that many people don’t fully understand the depth of how grief and loss impact us, individually and collectively.
There are so many myths and misconceptions surrounding grief. It’s time we start educating ourselves so we can better navigate the inevitability of facing grief at some point in our lives.
When you think of grief and loss, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
For most people (myself included, at one point), the immediate thought is the death of a loved one. While that’s certainly a profound form of loss, it’s far from the only one. We endure many types of losses throughout our lives, both seen and unseen.
So, what exactly is grief?
Some say grief is “a change we didn’t want.” While I agree with that, I’d also add that even when we choose change, grief can still accompany it. For instance, leaving a long-term relationship, changing careers, or evolving as a person can all bring about grief. We grieve identities, routines, and connections we’ve outgrown.
Let’s break this down further:
Types of Grief:
Anticipatory Grief: The grief we feel before a loss.
Example: When a loved one has a terminal illness. We know death is near, and though it hasn’t happened yet, we’re already grieving. This can also apply to non-death losses.
Delayed Grief: Grief that emerges long after the loss. This often happens when people don’t feel safe expressing their emotions or are overwhelmed by daily life, pushing grief aside as a means of survival.
Disenfranchised Grief: Grief that is judged or minimized. This could look like feeling your grief isn’t as “important” as someone else’s. But grief is grief, it’s valid no matter how “small” or “big.”
Ambiguous Grief: Grief that is hard to define or see.
Example: Miscarriage, abortion, divorce, or living with an invisible illness. Just because it’s not visible doesn’t mean it isn’t deeply felt.
Collective Grief: Grieving as a community or society.
Example: The pandemic, fires, wars, or natural disasters. These shared experiences connect us through our collective pain.
Traumatic Grief: Grief intertwined with Trauma. All grief does not have trauma, but all trauma has grief.
Masked Grief: Grief disguised as other emotions. Anger often masks grief. C.S. Lewis captured this beautifully: “I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.”
Cumulative/Compound Grief: Grief that builds from multiple losses in a short time or unprocessed past losses. This could include both death and non-death losses along with secondary losses.
These are just some examples of how grief can show up in our lives. It’s a way to bring awareness to this topic and not a way for us to label one another.
We Are All One💕
Non-Death Losses: This often-overlooked area of grief deserves more attention. Non-death losses profoundly impact us, equally as much as physical death.
Examples:
Life Transitions
Infertility or Trying To Conceive (TTC)
Chronic Health Conditions
Illness or Injury
Divorce or Separation
End of a Relationship/Friendship
Estranged Family Members
Job Loss
Empty Nesters
Marriage
Trauma
Loss of a Limb
Loss of Identity
Moving Away From Home
Addiction
You may be looking at this list wondering how some of them can be categorized as grief and loss but what’s important to know is that grief is grief no matter what the change is. Even positive changes can carry a sense of loss.
Secondary Losses: These losses often go unnoticed but amplify the complexity of grief. They refer to the ripple effects following an initial loss and touch every aspect of life.
Examples:
Loss of Safety
Loss of Income
Loss of Employment
Loss of Connection
Loss of Independence
Loss of Freedom
Loss of Autonomy
Loss of Intimacy
Loss of Roles (Ex: Mom/Wife)
Loss of Companionship
Loss of Confidence
Loss of Support System
Loss of Faith or Purpose
Loss of Security
Loss of Future Hopes & Dreams
Loss of Community
Secondary losses can feel insignificant compared to the primary loss, but they’re deeply impactful and deserve acknowledgment.
Grief can feel like navigating uncharted waters, but every step forward brings us closer to the light. Though the journey may be uncertain, there’s always a guiding inner compass leading us toward hope.
Grief is complex.
No two people will experience it the same way, even if they face the same loss.
My heart goes out to everyone who has, is, or will experience profound loss.
Death, in all its forms, is inevitable. While it is a painful reality, I believe there’s beauty to be found within it, too.
I’ll leave you with this:
Grief can feel overwhelming, as though there’s no way out. But I invite you to slow down, offer yourself grace, self-compassion, and honor where you are in this moment. Place your hands on your heart, gently close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Ask yourself, “How is my heart today?” Sit with whatever comes up, without judgment or shame, just curiosity.
The only way out is through.
To heal, we must feel.
I’m cheering for you❤️
With Love Always,
Sara Jaswal
